Persephone

My days grew dark,
As my mother scurried above
The surface, covered in the ashes
Of my still fading scream.

I hear her calls, cries,
Heartbreaking sobs for mercy,
Yet, I am helpless,
Hanging, eyes open scarce,
From the putrid clutch that
Pushes my fragile breath into
The abyss of anguish.

His face over mine, the grip
Of death; sordid and true,
I struggle with a shudder and
In his vile, mocking laughter,
I drift, lost in soulless oblivion.

My mother calls to me,
Save me, oh mother, here,
Deep in this crevice of lust,
Love, he calls it,
I be, morbid and violated.

This inferno that consumes
Souls of every man that
Ever sinned in the fires
Of evanescent desires,
Scantily scathes mine soul, but,
His touch, the master of
This misty and gloomy abode;
It, my mother, spells my doom.
Save me my mother, rescue me,
I wait, in tears and shackles
Of the Fates, I wait.

On... Political Responsibility

I sit here and wonder what I am doing. More importantly, am I doing it right?  Because at least some of what I am about to write has been plagiarized from someone I knew. And I really do not like to plagiarize.  Ok, let me dive straight in.

Well, till I was around seventeen, I had no idea about anything in politics. I was a typical capitalistic snob who thought that if you give a human face to capitalism, all would be well and good. There would be no need even for such a ‘superannuated’ ideology as communism or socialism. People change, I did. What my ideologies are now is not the matter at hand. Suffice to say I have moved way beyond capitalism ‘with a human face’.

All I had left with me is an intense urge to serve the nation. I say nation and not country, quite purposefully. Nation implies people, not the geographical area that is India. Why? Because I believe this society has been too fair to the likes of me and extremely unfair to the rest. I get to choose and make my own decisions because of where, when and to whom I was born. Isn’t that a right that should be within everyone’s reach? What I have understood till now is that there are others, millions who have this intense urge, just the same as me. It is not fully true what they say about this generation per say. Yes, a large or huge proportion is oblivious of what happens around them and equates the politico economy with last year’s fashion trend or fallen mangoes. It never occurs to them to pick the mangoes before they fall instead of treating them with disdain.

But now, a new breed is emerging. The ones who are much more enlightened than the older generations. They have seen the weaknesses of the system and want to rectify it. Now, in this category, we can have usually two types. The ones who join the mainstream parties in the hope that they will get to the top one day and the ones who think radically differently than the mainstream and form their own organizations or prefer to work alternatively, independent of the limelight and the unfortunate celebrity status the ‘united corporate of media’  is burdening the politicos with. Apart from these, there is another whole spectrum of activism.

But the problem that I have found with the aspiring politicians of today is that at least some think the mainstream ought to be cleansed inside out and that too within a day. They believe in a caste less society (hurray!), but they are not willing to grapple with the intricacies of caste. Some believe that women empowerment is different from class struggle or that feudalism has ceased to exist. I agree I may not be the best person to say this, but in most of them I have seen a typical ‘white man’s burden’ attitude. A feeling that the less privileged should be protected and ‘given’ the rights instead of making the opportunities and empowering them to take those chances.  There is another creed that disclaims the whole political system. Intelligent enough to discern the system is not working right, but feeling that every component in the system is wrong and below their kind attention.

Perhaps the most important ones are the self important ones. The persons who believe that ideology doesn’t matter. Or that  collective ideologies often lead to fascistic states. They attribute all the failures that might have happened on the theoretical theses rather than the practical modality. In a world where the greatest capitalistic economies are reverting to market control, we have a section which advocates further disinvestment of PSUs. In a dynamic system where textbook leftism has failed because of the complexities of power and human mind, we have another sect which adores armed revolution and a totalitarian state. It confuses me. I come across people who believe that the oligarchy which is leading our nation into ruins is role model.  What I don’t understand is when will they stop focusing on what they believe on a macro level, go into the depth and the manifold layers of the society and try to understand who an average Indian is?

There was a recent debate I came across where a person stressed the need to de-backgroundise politics. Fine. Hey, let us not stand on the shoulders of the giants. The question is, by diving head long into a system and using a disclaimer towards it, what will be achieved? Why does alternative politics languish in comparison with mainstream? I am sure there are better parties than CPM, which use the left ideals better. But I don’t hear of them on an important platform. Isn’t it the failure of alternative politics (which is usually the most people centric) that its mass reach is low? In 63 years of independent India, isn’t it time for alternative politics to change the strategy to fit the times? I don’t know, I am just asking.  If we can’t appreciate the fact that mainstream politics has kept this nation going for such a long time, aren’t we kind of being blind? Yes, there are flaws. As with everything else. 

And let us, arguendo, consider the other side. Isn’t it high time that mainstream politics shed its celeb attire and became more humane and people centric? This feudo-imperialistic and neo- liberal approach will only drive people closer and closer to the edge.  Never the less, the mass is largely ignorant of the way they are manipulated.  As long as they are given symbols of something they could look up to and believe in, they will continue to be victimized rather than empowered. That is precisely why we have half baked Rahul Gandhi aspirants and people who worship film star turned politicians. Am I ranting too much? Maybe it is time to stop.

I have only one thing to ask of everyone who wants to serve the people of this nation.  De omnibus dubitandum - doubt everything.    

Surreal

Am I to end this in happiness?
Or in sorrow so troubled,
A pinch of hope or a dash
Of unabated love?
Wrap up my life because,
I am curious of its end?
I stand at the door of
The moving train whistling
Its way to destination hope!
Often I stand pondering,
Judging death,
The muted effervescence
Ending this wild rush.
Maddened by this urge,
Trembling at the horror of,
The deep green calms smiling
Beneath the narrow rail bridge.
When the wind gushes past my
Closed eyes and feet lingering
Surreal over the ledge,
I smile anticipating the
Uncertain and mundane joy
Of the obvious,
And yet, I stay.
Am I to end this now?
Would I be happier,
Knowing the choice was mine?
Or should I,
In this tentative matrix
Of livid uncertainties,
Wait for it to end?
Answers I have none,
Except I desire to stay.

To Amma

Alright, I am confused. I could either write about how anti Mother’s Day I am or I could write about Amma. Just because I feel like writing about her. What should I do? Guess I will write about Amma. I have never written about her and it is high time I did.

My mother is what you would call a high powered working woman. She strikes you as this perfect woman, balancing her career and home and in between tries to care about people she loves. But the truth is, she is much more than that. She is much more than an average mother who feeds you or clothes you or scolds you because she was forced to have kids through marriage. This is a woman with so much integrity, such an intact character that sometimes it is hard not to feel awed. Yes, I am in awe of her. If I tell her that, she will immediately make funny noises. If I tell about a friend’s mother who made that friend do something he or she didn’t like, she immediately points towards her leg and says… you should touch my feet.

So here is my tribute to my mother on this Mother’s Day.

Amma,

I love you so much. You are the only one who sees who I am and for that I am thankful. Many people go through their lives just because thy need to exist. You showed me that every moment, whatever happens to you, you can live, you can find your own purpose and come out of every hardship smiling and being a better person than before. You taught me that age is not about rigidity, but about how you keep your heart young. You taught me that as long as one carries goodness and love inside his/her heart, one cannot be dejected in life.

I am thankful to you for a lot of things. I am thankful to you for not making me wear gold when I didn’t want to. I am thankful to you for dragging me to every extra curricular activity when I was a child and always telling me how I performed, always urging me to do better. I am thankful for making me realize I cannot always win and what matters more is how gracefully you accept that defeat and utilize that defeat as a learning experience. I am thankful to you for not imposing any decision on me ever since I was a child and for giving me the choice to decide between right and wrong.

I love the way you try to tickle me when I hug you. I love the naughty look on your face when you tell a very irritated me that you have a seminar the same day and that you need my help with it. I love it when you pretend to be asleep when I come near you and try to startle me (you always forget that you smile slightly in anticipation and that I can see it).

I will never say that you are a great cook. Let us face it, you aren’t. I don’t mind it though, because your idlis and upma are the best. That’s the truth. I am really glad you never asked me to do something because of my gender. That whatever had to be done, it was shared between him and me. I love you for showing me what empowerment is all about. I am thankful to you for giving me not money, not gold, not diamonds (the pearls, definitely yes), but for giving me choices, freedom and lots and lots of unconditional love. I love you being the kind of mother who likes to be cuddled by her kids, the kind that doesn’t claim respect the ordinary way from her kids. I love you letting me boss you around, listening sulkily when I tell you what an idiot you are for doing something silly, for letting someone exploit you. But also for slapping me whenever I have behaved like an abominable toad (maybe five or six times all these years, I think).

I can never find another person like you. Not because you are my mother. I am proud that you are my mother. I am proud people are drawn to you because you are insightful, empathetic and most of all, beautiful, inside out. I know that if I continue writing, I could write a novel.

I could write entire chapters about your idiocies, your silliness, your embarrassing moments, but no time. If you see me writing this, you will scold me. But when you read this on the blog, you will start laughing. Thank you for giving me life, Amma. I would not want to be born to anyone more perfect. Mad perhaps, a little kinky, my beautiful butterfly, but still perfect for me. You are a big part of my heart.

So let me end with something you told me sometime back… Every mother is a prayer, a light which is lit for her children.

I love you.

Your eldest progeny.

And, keeping aside all my reservations against Mother’s Day, I wish every mother out there a very happy life ahead. May your children bring you happiness.  

On...Kasab and the Maoist spectacle... a shorter musing than it ought to be.

Two things caught my attention last night and I just had to write about them. Yes, I am busy and I shouldn’t be writing now, but I can’t help it.

Ajmal Kasab being sentenced to death was perhaps the most atrocious piece of political statement I have seen in some years. Mumbaikars are relieved, their vengeful appetites being quenched. The majority of the ones I asked said it was the best thing to be done. I doubt. But my doubt is of no concern here. What I want to ponder over are three things.

First capital punishment. What gives law the right to deprive human beings of life? Whatever heinous crime has been committed, a civilized society can hardly have last word when it comes to ending a person’s period in this world. It is of utmost importance that deterrent should not work as a butcher’s knife. Now, you may ask me what good comes out of keeping a person as Kasab alive. It is not what the person has done or who has suffered. I will not say that only god can take a life. But in my view, socially endorsing a legal termination of any man’s life is equivalent of violating nature’s order by murder.

Second of all, what end does it serve? I mean hanging him. Does it in any way have an effect to the hundreds of Mujahideens all prepped up and ready to get into a jihad against Indians right at this moment? Does it eradicate terrorism? Definitely not. What this sentence simply does is to maneuver the Govt from a position of guilt and responsibility to that of legal victors. It is pathetic actually. The lack of proper security machinery, the inadequate training and the lax surveillance all are bygones in the emotional moments which have captured this nation as a whole by a single verdict.

Thirdly, the whole question of terrorism being countered by force is in itself illogical, which we will elaborate further as we go along. But let me just say that terrorism is a byproduct of deprivation. As long as that deprivation persists, nothing is going to change. Now, more attacks will occur as more and more insurgents are being pushed into Pakistan through the Afghan border by the US and NATO forces.  So how is this deterrent (as they call it) effective? Are we going to capture and kill all of them?

The second incident is a quagmire. So I will write about it only briefly. Something has been bothering me for a while now. I take up a newspaper and I see huge ads by the Home Ministry about the violence perpetrated by the Maoists and how we must all abstain from violence. Since the most prone to Maoists ideology are tribals and they don’t know how to read and write, it tickles my funny bone. Strange, targeting the middle and upper classes through these messages. And it hits me. It is a statement. The Govt is saying, yes, they are the killers, look at those brick buildings, the lives they have destroyed; you can’t be sympathetic to killers. So ultimately, we end up feeling like the Maoists are evil. Mind it; I am not endorsing violence, rather just circumventing the logic of the mainstream. Most people don’t ask one pertinent question… why should tribals have brick buildings in a forest? Wouldn’t bamboo or something natural be enough?

If you look deeper, two more questions arise. One, how did the Maoist movement get so big?  Two, why has there been a resurgence of Maoist/Naxalite movements even though they are squashed again and again? I told you it is a quagmire. Well, I can only say one thing… ‘development’ vs  habitat. While the Govt is planning big brick schools and telling Vedanta to build cancer hospitals as part of their ‘corporate social responsibility’, they manage to ignore the basic sentiments of the tribals. The middle officers exploit them. The Forest Act constrains them, making the forest no more their own. Here is where the Maoists win. They find a wound which is emotional and survival anxiety based through which they could enter.

So after Dantewada, our Home Minister has been scurrying around like Elmer Fudd after Bugs Bunny. He doesn’t pause to accept the reality that it is him with his arrogant ‘do this right now’ and ‘buck on the table’ lines that prompted this. Blaming improper modus operandi hardly puts him ahead of that fact. However, if you his latest announcement, it takes the entire issue to a whole new level.

The UAPA, 1967 has often been hacked by several State Govts to harass many civil activists. Right from the famous case of Dr Binayak Sen to Avinash Kulkarni, an adivasi activist from Gujarat. Now, threatening NGOs and citizens with a ten year imprisonment term if Maoist ideologies are propagated by them, the Minister has given the nation and its intelligentsia a rude shock. We have been plainly told that we cannot choose what we should believe in but rather believe what has been chosen for us. Where is this nation going? This is ideological extremism in its bud. To be nipped out and stomped on. Not far from now, the corporate media conglomerate will be enticing us with pre-determined political messages, leaving us as zombies incapable of thinking. Well, like it is happening in Britain, BBC reducing its stations to give SKY more air time due to the political and economic pressures it has been put under to comply. It is sickening to think that in a diverse and anarchistically democratic nation like India, this could happen.

Anyway, a little thought has become too much of my time. To sum up, like dear old Abraham Lincoln said and of course distorting the context to fit into the present scenario, ‘Whenever there is a conflict between human rights and property rights, human rights must prevail’. If we remember that, well, it would be much better.       

A Very Short Musing On THE CAT

My brother loves animals. Especially cats. So when a pregnant cat sought refuge at our house, he nurtured it with attention and food. Of course, he wanted to keep the kittens. But that’s not the point. Last night, while he was on a trip, two dogs entered our compound, which has never happened before. I heard them fighting but I was too scared to go out and see what was happening. In the morning however, we found the remains of one kitten. We can very safely assume that the other two were also eaten by the stray dogs. The cat has not eaten its food till now. It either goes around our house calling out to its dead kids or just curls up on the compound wall. I am at a loss here. I am not the most pet loving person there is, but its pain makes me choke.

This brings me to the central issue. Should I feel angry at the dogs? I don’t. I feel I failed to protect the kittens. The dogs were hungry. Until I woke up this morning, I inevitably considered a stray dog hit by a car or a cat poisoned as just part of numbers. It never occurred to me that I should attribute a character to them. If I do attribute a character, the question is; where do we stand? In this universe, in this world, where do we stand? Human beings are at the paramount of the evolutionary peak. No argument there. But, have I been wrong to see evolution only from a human point of view? Here I am not talking about concern for animals or accepting they are part of this earth or anything as such. Frankly, I don’t even know where I am going with this. These words are my thoughts, which I am spewing out without a break. I wonder whether my heart beats in tune with all other hearts in this world. Like Obi Wan Kenobi senses a disturbance in the Force when the planet Naboo is destroyed, are we synchronized in such a way that every small ripple affects the equilibrium of this world so that the system settles into a new state of equilibrium? The dogs were supposed to kill the kittens because they need food. A friend told me that it doesn’t matter if I had acted, since the dogs would’ve killed them anyway. We would never know, would we?

It is kind of heart breaking. The way it cries. I found out today that more than food, it needed comfort. Whenever I spoke to it, or I touched it or my mom stroke it, it would keep quiet. I wonder what it is experiencing. Does it know what pain is? Would it matter if it knew? Is its brain wired to evaluate the sequence of events which led to such a tragic ending? I wonder.