Surreal

Am I to end this in happiness?
Or in sorrow so troubled,
A pinch of hope or a dash
Of unabated love?
Wrap up my life because,
I am curious of its end?
I stand at the door of
The moving train whistling
Its way to destination hope!
Often I stand pondering,
Judging death,
The muted effervescence
Ending this wild rush.
Maddened by this urge,
Trembling at the horror of,
The deep green calms smiling
Beneath the narrow rail bridge.
When the wind gushes past my
Closed eyes and feet lingering
Surreal over the ledge,
I smile anticipating the
Uncertain and mundane joy
Of the obvious,
And yet, I stay.
Am I to end this now?
Would I be happier,
Knowing the choice was mine?
Or should I,
In this tentative matrix
Of livid uncertainties,
Wait for it to end?
Answers I have none,
Except I desire to stay.