Been sometime since I wrote anything from the heart. So, this could be a bit rusty!!
We four were a unit. The children of the eldest two sisters of the four siblings! I was the eldest; my bro and my aunt’s son were next and her girl the last. Sruthi, Sandeep, Sooryan, Deepika. Or… as our parents used to call us to dinner…Sruthi, Manu, Podiyan, Vava. The four names in one breath.
We were always together whenever we met. And that is a lot. It is funny how we change, how our lives change, but how our emotions stay embedded and cherished in our deepest memories.
As time progressed, the number of names in the roll call increased to 5 to 6 and ultimately to 8. Two for each sibling. But, the four remained intact. I was the boss, the queen bee, who ordered around her three soldiers.
When did I realize we were getting older? Older from the girl whose first memory of childhood is seeing blood running down a wound, to a girl who is the only one in her generation in the family to inherit the genetic fear of blood, to the advocate of justice and equality, a hot headed idiot, who simmered and simmered to no effect at all and at last…to a woman who knows how to boil without simmering, sharpened and mellowed by experiences, but the same spirit within. Hmmm…I don’t know! Answerless question, I suppose.
Yes, we all have such questions. I remember the day when we gathered around the grave we had dug for a beautiful butterfly and just cried because it had died. I remember the day when all the fishes Vava had kept died and she buried them one by one and of course, being the most curious one, she would dig up the bodies daily to see if they had decayed. The day when she was chased down the road all the way to her house by a dog. The night when Manu sneaked under the blanket when I told him I saw a robber staring bemused at my attempts to kill a cockroach at the middle off the night (I was staying at their house.). Oh yes, I remember all those days.
As we grew older, the role-play changed. My period (started when I was 10, so we were pretty young.) was the beginning of a new period. It was funny! The rest three wondering why I had to wear my sanitary pads, Podi- my bro, trying to piss on it because mom told him that was what it was for, that it was sort of a diaper for girls (he did get round to knowing the truth without much delay)! Manu waiting so eagerly for his first pubic hair (Grandma told him that was when boys get all the attention. Poor darling! He didn’t realise she was teasing him!). And of course Vava wondering why the hell girls wear bra.
Then came the early teens. Wow, I still remember slapping Podi in public and him running crying! I was a total mess then. Shouting, yelling. My mom used to tell me that I was like a tornado! Phew!
Manu was quiet. Too quiet! But, I hated it when he shot straight past me from his 5’ height to his present 6’4” frame.
Podi’s adolescence was a revelation. He was always the fragile one, being two months premature! He couldn’t understand why his penis suddenly became so big and why he started having wet dreams.
Vava was the ever lovely! She accepted all the changes quite gracefully! Perhaps because she had 3 travelers before her to chart out the journey for her!
And of course, my role changed from the kid to the boss to the confidante! Clearing doubts, listening to their woes, trying to solve their problems for them, reining them and letting them go!
And now….
We were in Manu’s car, returning late from the movies, enroute to dropping off the four other cousins who had come after us, listening to music, Vava multitasking by text messaging her friends and laughing at Podi’s jokes, Manu trying to irritate her! And me…. singing a soft lullaby to my second youngest cousin, three years old, cradled in my arms, his head on my heart, smiling softly in his sleep. He grew up with me playing his second mother. Sometimes he wakes up in the morning crying for me and refuses to go to the kindergarten unless I pick him up from the nursery later. The one who jumped out of bed one morning and announced that ‘Sruthi Chechi’ was ill and demanded to be taken to me. Was I ill? I had accidentally taken an analgesic too strong, which had put me in a strong sedation that my parents were terrified that I would have to be taken to the hospital!
Yes, roles change! I’m glad they do!
We four were a unit. The children of the eldest two sisters of the four siblings! I was the eldest; my bro and my aunt’s son were next and her girl the last. Sruthi, Sandeep, Sooryan, Deepika. Or… as our parents used to call us to dinner…Sruthi, Manu, Podiyan, Vava. The four names in one breath.
We were always together whenever we met. And that is a lot. It is funny how we change, how our lives change, but how our emotions stay embedded and cherished in our deepest memories.
As time progressed, the number of names in the roll call increased to 5 to 6 and ultimately to 8. Two for each sibling. But, the four remained intact. I was the boss, the queen bee, who ordered around her three soldiers.
When did I realize we were getting older? Older from the girl whose first memory of childhood is seeing blood running down a wound, to a girl who is the only one in her generation in the family to inherit the genetic fear of blood, to the advocate of justice and equality, a hot headed idiot, who simmered and simmered to no effect at all and at last…to a woman who knows how to boil without simmering, sharpened and mellowed by experiences, but the same spirit within. Hmmm…I don’t know! Answerless question, I suppose.
Yes, we all have such questions. I remember the day when we gathered around the grave we had dug for a beautiful butterfly and just cried because it had died. I remember the day when all the fishes Vava had kept died and she buried them one by one and of course, being the most curious one, she would dig up the bodies daily to see if they had decayed. The day when she was chased down the road all the way to her house by a dog. The night when Manu sneaked under the blanket when I told him I saw a robber staring bemused at my attempts to kill a cockroach at the middle off the night (I was staying at their house.). Oh yes, I remember all those days.
As we grew older, the role-play changed. My period (started when I was 10, so we were pretty young.) was the beginning of a new period. It was funny! The rest three wondering why I had to wear my sanitary pads, Podi- my bro, trying to piss on it because mom told him that was what it was for, that it was sort of a diaper for girls (he did get round to knowing the truth without much delay)! Manu waiting so eagerly for his first pubic hair (Grandma told him that was when boys get all the attention. Poor darling! He didn’t realise she was teasing him!). And of course Vava wondering why the hell girls wear bra.
Then came the early teens. Wow, I still remember slapping Podi in public and him running crying! I was a total mess then. Shouting, yelling. My mom used to tell me that I was like a tornado! Phew!
Manu was quiet. Too quiet! But, I hated it when he shot straight past me from his 5’ height to his present 6’4” frame.
Podi’s adolescence was a revelation. He was always the fragile one, being two months premature! He couldn’t understand why his penis suddenly became so big and why he started having wet dreams.
Vava was the ever lovely! She accepted all the changes quite gracefully! Perhaps because she had 3 travelers before her to chart out the journey for her!
And of course, my role changed from the kid to the boss to the confidante! Clearing doubts, listening to their woes, trying to solve their problems for them, reining them and letting them go!
And now….
We were in Manu’s car, returning late from the movies, enroute to dropping off the four other cousins who had come after us, listening to music, Vava multitasking by text messaging her friends and laughing at Podi’s jokes, Manu trying to irritate her! And me…. singing a soft lullaby to my second youngest cousin, three years old, cradled in my arms, his head on my heart, smiling softly in his sleep. He grew up with me playing his second mother. Sometimes he wakes up in the morning crying for me and refuses to go to the kindergarten unless I pick him up from the nursery later. The one who jumped out of bed one morning and announced that ‘Sruthi Chechi’ was ill and demanded to be taken to me. Was I ill? I had accidentally taken an analgesic too strong, which had put me in a strong sedation that my parents were terrified that I would have to be taken to the hospital!
Yes, roles change! I’m glad they do!
6 comments:
Very Well Written bold and courageous writing.
Keep up the good work
touching...very touching...
i didnt really understand the more serious thinge u have written..but this one got thru straight in to my heart..may be because the bygone vacation showed me my how much my cousins and me have changed...for the first time i felt that we are really "GROWING UP"....and i didnt like it much....
After reading it I just sat with a blank eye staring at the nothing. A string of events ran rioting past my weak memory.
Overwhelmed...
"Picture fade, but memories won't ..."
You my dear,is the testimonial for that !
:)
Cant match words with the rest but loved it :)
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