Something happened a few weeks back. Nothing historically important that could freeze time. Yet it was very important. Two of my friends, let us call them A and B, were walking back from our University Department to the ladies hostel at around ten at night. Kindly consider that the walk is around five minutes. Talking to each other animatedly, they failed to notice a motorbike that came up behind them and the guy who was sitting behind the rider, pulled the dupatta of A. What was meant to be a ‘prank’ turned serious when she was lurched forward and ran a few moments with the bike. By then, her dupatta had come off completely and she lost her balance, causing her to fall headlong on the side of the road filled with jagged stones and rocks. All this time B was shouting for the security guard, who was talking with some other security guards so spiritedly, he didn’t hear her. The guy who pulled the dupatta fell from the bike and was dazed. But by the time something could happen, he had gotten on the bike which the rider had stopped nearby and escaped.
There are so many questions we can pose here, about the behaviour of the boys, the laxity of the guards, the situation where women cannot feel safe along even the roads they travel most, but all that is overshadowed by something else.
I could get only the second person account of the incident as I was away. My roommate told me that A was quite a sight with little stones lodged deep into the flesh of her arms and her palms, her knees badly grazed, she had trouble even getting dressed to go the hospital the next morning. I understood the severity of the wounds when I saw her a couple of weeks later. The concern to be addressed here is that her family told her not to file a complaint as it might get her stamped as ‘the girl who was attacked’. She was supposed to meet a prospective groom later that week and the family didn’t want the reputation tarnished. The girl too saw it the same way.
The second view point is B’s. She kept wishing that she had been A. She believes that it is up to the individual to take the decision. If the prospective groom finds such a tiny point that the girl dared raise her voice for justice disturbing, it is better that wedding doesn’t take place.
The last point of view is my roommate’s. She was quite angry over the fact that A wouldn’t lodge a complaint. But more than that, she was enraged with the society. She ended up saying that the lesson was that women shouldn’t go out after dark.
Let us consider A. She was shocked. Agreed. She had the option of emergency medical care. She declined. She could have registered a complaint. She did not! What drove her- a woman of 23, completing her Masters, from a good educational and financial back ground to just be the passive victim? What prompted her family to dismiss such an attack as they did?
The idea of ‘reputation’ has been so long imbedded in our moral code that anyone who tries to amend it becomes the black sheep. A did what was necessary to protect that reputation. Her family made it sure that their image is not tarnished. More than anything, they wanted a groom for A. She had to be ‘handed over’ to a man. She couldn’t be ‘damaged’ till then. Like the perfect toy for the naughty boy, she is preserved, gift wrapped, and kept on the shelf. Her self esteem is the size of the box, banging against its wall and quietly resigning to the inevitability. She has to conform to the societal norms. No other choice.
Coming to B, she will never come to terms with the fact that patriarchy subdues women to such an extent that you have to be afraid of something you did not do, something not even remotely your fault. She will rebel whenever something like this comes up. But she fails to understand what needs to be done. That is part of her conditioning. Somewhere she wants to think, she knows the society is not right, but she cannot probe deeper than the periphery. Her potential to think is cut off by the society who will mockingly call her a feminist, her religion will prevent her from admitting she could be one; her family would require her to adhere to society and religion. The burning embers will go out slowly in black fumes as her quinta essencia is smothered by rules and more rules.
But my roommate found the solution perfecta in this perfect society. Don’t go alone in the dark. Though she said it ironically, it clings to my heart. A brilliant mind, an undying spirit, but tied by the impossible impositions, negotiating her route through this murky world, thinking practical. The society has taught her to be cautious to an extent where ideology is muffled and remains unspoken, but personally practised wherever possible.
The tragedy of mores is that, the more internalization happens, the more constrained we become. We forget that we construct the society. This conscious and continuous advocating of norms and barricades leave only a few unruffled and focused. The parents of A in this case did more injustice to A than in a situation where possibly she is raped. By denying that she is an individual who has all the rights to the sanctity of her body and mind, by the doctrine that she should not report the assault to the authorities, they have vetoed her self worth for life. But, the impact goes deeper than that. By not revealing the incident, she has ensured that those roads will continue to be minimally lit, the guards will continue to enjoy their midnight conversations, and the perpetrators will have renewed confidence, but above all, the next batch of hostellers might follow the wisdom of their precedents. A will pass on this understanding of the matter she so carefully handled, to her friends in need, her children, further condemning them to a path of pseudo reputation, morality and confusion. Renegades will be hunt and damned. Heretics will be burnt and the ashes spread across the reservoir of fake and established moral policing. And still As will willingly bow their heads to be stepped on, while the others will roam around dazed, tormented and confused.
All the ‘wills’ in the preceding paragraph could be changed to ‘will nots’, if a simple action is taken by many of the As. After all, I think Darwin can be quoted rightly here, when he said- It is not the strongest of the species that survives, nor the most intelligent, but the one most responsive to change. We need to change.
